Carve This.

Let's discuss pumpkin carving templates.

The only thing I want to carve, after looking at them, are my eyes.  And not into jack-o-lantern happy triangles, into death-ridden "x's". 

Who creates these? NO ONE WITH KIDS! "Yes, sweetie, let's carve Darth Vader walking a dog with a sunset in the valley of the mountains in the background. Go grab a jigsaw and 174 toothpicks. Oh! And your sister really wants to carve Elsa's silhouette with her ice castle in the background. I hope my steady hand will be able to accurately depict the intricate details of the 4,852 spindles on her ice castle staircase. Oooh! Grab another pumpkin because we must not forget to carve Sven!"

These super-sculptor douches ruin this tradition for the average. A jack-o-lantern is supposed to be three triangles for eyes and nose and a half moon for a mouth. If you feel tricky,  add a couple of rectangular teeth...ooooh, you fancy! 

Pinterest, you've over-complicated something, again, and I'm not impressed. 

Imagine the relief I felt when my little man chose a Lego face from the front if the Lego blocks. No toothpicks. No Dremel. No pixie dust and prayers needed! And he was able to do it all by himself! He is proud of it and I am proud of him for recognizing what he could tackle independently, because doing his best by himself was more important to him than a pumpkin-replica of a  "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fighting an evil warlord while eating a slice of pizza" that was worthy of  a spot on Mt. Rushmore.  Oh, presidents only on Rushmore? Ok.  Bill Clinton in the Oval Office with an intern?  At least someone was getting something done...Yikes, that's an entirely different blog post...

Oh, and my daughter's pumpkin? Olaf. With three seperate cuts for his Godforsaken-carrot-nose.  Stupid dumb snowman.  Stupid me for having Pinterest open while she was in the room!

The moral of the story is that overachieving pumpkin-carvings designed for the "carving enthusiast" make me wonder what is missing in that "enthusiast's" life that causes them to spend 4 days carving a pumpkin. Get a job. Or a family. Or, better yet, come do my laundry!