Questions For the Lady With Three Boobs

Did you all see or hear about the lady (Jasmine Tridevil) that paid 20k to get a third boob surgically attached in between her other breasts? If you didn't, go to any radio-station website or here and you'll find the article. Better yet, for fun, do an images search on Google.  Just not before dinner.... 

She claims that she didn't want to date anymore, which was why she had the third boob attached. That's like saying "I'd like to eat popcorn, so I think I'll go ride a camel down the freeway, backwards" i.e. unrelated.  I think her point is that she surgically altered herself to become undesirable.  Someone needs to have the whole "Hey, boobs,  you weren't that good looking in the first place.  But way to one-up God" talk. #itsyourmoralityTridevil

Anyway, I have some questions I'd like to ask her:

1.) If you do, indeed, plan to revisit the idea of relationships, I'd like to discuss motor-boating. You've either ruined it, or you will require two motors.  What's your plan?  

2.) Have you ever considered removing the two outside boobs and just becoming Mike from Monster's Inc?  It would make a fabulous Halloween costume. Honestly, you face looks more like Sully. Nevermind.

3.) Speaking of costumes, I really like to make a complete a$$ out of myself at Halloween and was considering being you. What's your suggestion on finding a bra top?  I mean, I have a hard time finding good bras for what I naturally have to offer, so I'm stumped about where to get a QUALITY three-boobed-halter-top. ugh... #triboobproblems 

4.) Let's discuss your childhood.  Were you underfed as an infant?  Let me guess, you were formula fed, weren't you? You should really pitch your reality show to TLC instead of MTV because TLC may make you the poster child for breast feeding your babies so they don't become obsessed with boobs when they are 21.  Better yet, I can totally see you being picked up as the new Breast is Better campaign. I mean you have THREE!  1/3 more to offer!

5.)Where do you see yourself in 15 years? If I had to look into my crystal boob ball, I'd say rehab, Dr. Phil, rehab, The Enquirer, and then on a dusty cover of an autobiography that should have stayed a free ebook on Amazon.  In that order.  

I appreciate your publicity stunt, Triboobs.  I mean Tridevil. You gave me a fabulous halloween costume idea.  In addition, you've given me the idea that if I had extra money, I could contact your "doctor", who could surgically attach another hand that I could perhaps slap you with for being such an idiot.  #sorrynotsorry

pimples and acne suck, especially when you're almost as old as Whitney Houston......

What, too soon with the Whitney Houston title?  That girl had some acne, too... don't go denying it just because she's no longer with us....godresthersoul.  Don't worry Whitney, people in heaven don't need Proactiv.

Seriously, who played the practical joke on me?  I thought the best only part of being old-ish is that you get rid of your pubescent skin.  Adios acne.  Be poof gone.  Go find a 14 year old to eff with.  At no point, AT NO POINT, should anyone, EVER, have acne if they are rocking a gray streak through their hair like a boss.  I am currently wearing some serious acne, with a side of grey through my hair that makes Paula Deen look like she just went to her colorist.  You know, the colorist that dyed her hair PRIOR to her colorist that spray paints her hair sparkly silver.  And if my delicious acne and grey hair doesn't make you want me to post some pictures of myself on here, I'm not sure what does.

I am hot, HOTT, haute...